how can i move forward, when the fingerprints of my insecurities are still lingering within my chest, pressing against my ribs like piano keys? i am just waiting, for the day, when the saddest parts of me are overcome with songs of serenity.
I know that you usually drop the caps on 'I' in your poetry, but it really, really works here. It shows that the speaker deems him/herself to be unimportant, and really shows throughout the rest of the poem, too; especially in lines 2 and 6. Another part of your formatting that really works is how it's in italics. It gives it the sort of breath/dream kind of feel off, and that's exactly what it feels like. Also, the shortness of this poem really adds to the breath/dream thing and also the unimportant-ness. Breath/dream because it's so short - just like a simple breath or dream. Unimportant-like because of the brevity, as if this was all the person thought that this feeling deserved.
This poem comes off as kind of like breathing - an exasperated sigh. Something so many people have felt when they're down. This poem hits people hard - I can tell by the comments but also by the poem. It's so relate-able and the imagery is so vivid that it's hard to ignore the truthfulness of this poem.
So, I have a few suggestions for the poem (which you may feel free to disagree with and ignore). 1) Remove the comma in the middle of line 5. It gives off an unnecessary pause, in my opinion. 2) Remove the 'just' in line five because it's a filler word. I see how it works, but it also doesn't, in my opinion. (seriously, ignore this one if you want to because it's a pet peeve of mine to see filler words in poetry) 3) Line three is in passive voice, I think. I suggest to remove the 'are' and 'still' and the -ing off of lingering if you wish to keep the poem in active voice. However, I personally would not change the line due to passive vs. active voice, because it really works for the poem and gives off a better impact.
I love this poem's strongly emotive melancholy. I can understand how the protagonist is suffering from a sense of dismal disarray, honestly speaking.
Personally, the contrast provided using piano keys and the insecurities holding onto you is evocative and gives is very intense portrayal of what is going through that protagonist's mind. Its as if the protagonist, even though she has let her last ghost go and freed it from her protection, Those ghosts come back to haunt her... constantly reminding her of the reality of her predicament... her lingering illusions.
One day at a time. With each day I can faintly hear that song, it has taken a while, but I'm so much happier with myself then I was a year ago. Thank-you so much for the comment, it means a lot that you took the time
It took me a while to figure out how to phrase it, and I'm quite happy with how I decided to in the end. The fact that you found it powerful means that I got the message across, so that's good Thank-you so much for taking the time to comment, lovely!